Saturday, January 12, 11:00 a.m
I sat staring dazedly at my niece’s casket. A thousand unclear thoughts and unanswered questions flashed through my mind. I was oblivious to the pastor’s voice. Like a zombie I confusedly watched the faces of the congregation constricted with grief. I felt like I was having an awful dream and would not wake up. I turned to my left and saw my sister (mother of my niece) with tears rapidly streaming down her face; To my right, my brother-in-law cuddled the remaining kids in fierce, possessive and overly protective bear embrace and wept openly. I suddenly became aware of my own tears blinding my eyes. I realize, shit! THIS is real. Silently I screamed loudly “this is NOT the natural order of things! Parents DO NOT bury their children, it’s the other way around! She was only three years old”
How did I get here?
It was Saturday January 5, 2013
Sitting by my lonesome in a fast-food joint consuming some nice chicken soup and enjoying a BBM conversation with my sister. (We were discussing my latest crush). I was having a bellyful of laughter it seem d soup couldn’t do it job. Then…the PINGS went silent. I waited. Then the call came. Excitedly I answered as I thought having an oral conversation will ease the pain from my finger tips from all the typing. She then responded to my exhilaration with the dreaded words “Cordelia daughter just died”. For a moment I didn’t process the information. When I finally did on unsteady feet I walked away (leaving my soup). I do not remember the journey to the car. I just drove until I ended up at my aunt’s house. I wept uncontrollably. My other sisters were inconsolable.
Friday January 11, 2013 I took my trip to be with Cordelia.
I will not talk about the cemetery. Too sadddddd!!!!!
Though the house was filled with well wishers, not even a vice grip could separate us as sisters, cousins and our beloved aunt. We needed each other. This put into perspective many things. Prior to the death of Josselle, I’d not had dialogue with some of my sisters in several months; not because we had any feud; we just had poor communication. Josselle’s death however brought us closer and made us realized how much we took each other for granted. We recognize that in time of sorrow, it doesn’t matter how many friends we have, we need each other. We bonded like we never did before and you know what…. I AM HAPPY WE DID!
How to stay in touch?
It does not take excess energy to stay in touch with your siblings and your friends. All you have to do is:
- While on your way to work in the bus, send him/her a text. If you drive, before exiting your car do so.
- If first point doesn’t work, while sitting at your desk, send a text or make a one minute phone call.
- Send him/her and email
- In this technological age, there is blackberry, Samsung galaxy, I-phone… you know the gadgets… send them a BB message or text on whatsapp
- If you have a webcam, decide on a day and specific time of the day for conferencing with each other.
- If you live within the same or close geographical space, have regular lunch, dinner or just Lyme with each other.
These are just some of the basic ways to improve your relationship with your siblings and am sure you can find many other ways. If you are all familiar with the television show “Suzan” then you would see the myriad of people searching for their families. I was most touched by a story of a young lady who was separated from her mother as a babe and she grew up alone and knew not one family member at 41 years old. She wept openly on television as she desperately plead for help to find them. You know the Jamaican saying “wanty wanty cant get it but getty getty nuh want it”?
Let us not fall into a position of looking into the rear view mirror and said “if I could go back”. Let us do what is right. Life is short. Let us live it in love.
Though we are sad little Josselle is no longer with us, we are happy for the new bond her passing has created for us. So I ask, was her death a tragedy, or a blessing?
Dor @ the reins